if this is how i am...

I think it is safe to officially consider myself an expert.  I always knew I had a special talent, but now it has been confirmed, expert is definitely suiting.  I am an expert procrastinator.  I hate this about myself, but maybe kind of love it too.  Somehow, I am able to do my best work, pull things out of a hat magician-style, last minute under pressure.  I have always wished I could be an organized person who could plan things in advance, divide tasks into manageable amounts, and breeze through big stuff with ease over long periods of time.  I am the girl who receives an assignment, has months to work on it, and starts on it days before the presentation.  It's a gift I tell you...and it's a curse.  I always have something lingering in my mind, constantly bothering me and reminding me of upcoming deadlines, things that are not finished--or even started, and the importance of things I seem to be nonchalant about.

I just went to Albuquerque to take a big comprehensive test for my job.  It was very expensive and extremely important.  It covers the gamete and I knew I needed some serious refreshing.  When I signed up for a test date I had over 2 months to study and prepare.  Three days before the test I decided that it was do or die.  What was I thinking? I stayed up late a few nights, realized how much information I really had to know, stressed myself out, and felt so irritated with myself.  The morning I was driving down to Alb. I was trying to get some last-minute studying done.  Kaden was hyper and wanting to play.  The kids were bored and I was frustrated.  I was about to lose my patience when it hit me, this is not their fault! You didn't do what you needed to do, so you can't take your stress out on them.  I said a little prayer and closed my books.  We played and I felt peaceful, and still very mad at myself. 

 I drove down to Albuquerque and stayed at Grant and Brittany's house since my test was pretty early the next day.  I love them.  I got to watch Trudy for a few hours while they were at Les Miserables (jealous!). She is a doll.  She is so animated, smiley, full of personality, and she loved me. I know she loves everyone, but I am pretending that next to her family, I am her favorite person ever.  We read books, played, and I gave her a bath. We had so much fun and she let me rock her to sleep. Man, if I felt like it was the right time for me (I really don't know if it ever will be!), I would put in an order for one of her. 

When Grant and Britt got home we snacked and talked.  Then Brittany and I laid on the bed and talked for hours.  There wasn't a clock that I could see, and we were surprised to see it was nearly 3:30 when we went to bed.  Totally worth it.  I absolutely adore her.  I went to take my test the next morning, hoping that I had at least prepared enough and that the information I knew would be brought to my mind.  The test was sort of long and the testing center so "official". I felt like a criminal having to get pictures taken, scans of my hands, pat myself down, and they even looked behind my ears!  I stared bleary-eyed at the screen. My brain felt so slow.  I have been getting 5-6 hours of sleep a night for months and that just doesn't cut it for me. I finished the test and felt pretty good about it.  I got my score...94% booyah. I felt pretty amazing about that, even though I maybe didn't deserve it.  It seems silly, but I truly do feel blessed that I am able to learn and retain information easily.  I think it's necessary for the life I have right now.

So maybe procrastinating does work for me. I know what I am capable of and that I do better when the pressure is on. I put forth more effort when I really have to.  I still wish this wasn't the case, but I guess "if it ain't broke, don't fix it".  At least I'm an expert.

Seriously, how stinkin' adorable is this little girl?!?!? And she even has red hair...