Wednesday, April 8, 2009

So I cry a lot...

I think I will blame my mom.

I realized that I have confessed to being brought to tears on a regular basis. It's a curse, really. I cry when I am happy. I cry when I am mad. I cry when I am excited. I cry when I am sad. I cry when I am touched. I cry when someone else is crying. Oh, and if I am on the verge, a hug from the wrong (or right) person will make me melt into tears.
What is wrong with me?

I have had this problem (almost) forever. I was the perfect baby, of course. I only cried when appropriate. So, I am going to say that this problem started when I was about 5 years old, and has continued into adulthood. Believe it or not, I am much better than I was in my teen years.

It has been so embarrassing. Imagine, going to school, someone looks at you wrong, and giant tears well up in your eyes. Once, ONCE I TELL YOU, I got in a bit of trouble when my teacher asked me not to eat chocolate in class and I burst into tears! I got a bad grade in handwriting in 2nd grade and cried for weeks. It might as well have been the end of the world. OH--and don't even get me started with my drill-sergeant basketball coach I had in 8th grade. I am honestly surprised I survived.

Then, there are those embarrassing times when I watch a touching movie. Oh dear, just turn off the lights in the theater and let me be alone. Do you know how humiliating it can be to walk out into the broad daylight with puffy, red eyes and a tear-stained face? At least usually I have my mom by my side and she's almost as bad as I am. I am sure I got this from her.

I cried when Matt proposed and cried at my wedding. In fact...I have cried at a few weddings. I cried when my baby was born. Happy, exciting moments always bring tears to my eyes.

Then, the curse continues when I am trying to illustrate a point, emphatically. I was angry and attempting to speak my mind to She-who-shall-not-be-named when we were trying to fix things with our house. I had a point. I had a good point. I was angry, and ready to be assertive. And you know what ruined my perfect moment?!?!? Tears! Suddenly I was taken less seriously. Dang it.

I guess I can be grateful I cry quietly. Tears just stream out, but I don't sob (thank goodness). I am glad I can show emotion, even though it is often embarrassing and somewhat inappropriate. I am glad that I can feel the pain and happiness of others. So, I guess I will go on letting the tears fall. I might as well just let them, because Heaven knows there is no stopping tears once they're coming...(believe me, I have tried a million times)...


Wendy said...

This is EXACTLY what happens to me....always has. Don't feel alone.

Braden and Jodee said...

Sorry... blog surfing over here. I'm a old, old, long time ago family friend of Matt's family. Nicole's childhood bff :) Anyway, just had to comment... I do the same darn thing, and it makes me so mad! Dito with Wendy... You're not alone :)

Robin Randolph said...

Remember "Seabiscuit"? Oh my GOSH. It would be so much better if sometimes we COULD just burst into hyterical sobbing and just get it all over with.

Once in 3rd grade my teacher got after the girl BEHIND me because she was messing with my pigtails. The girl behind me, understand?? But I was the one who started crying!!!

Yes, just another curse you have inherited. Sigh. Sorry about that.

Brady said...

Bless us of tenderhearted criers of the world! Jessica I almost can't even watch a TV show without crying. And it really has nothing to do with being pregnant either. Sometimes I think I could be a great actress in one of those emotional scenes because all the director would have to do is tell me any story that involves a little boy (happy or sad). ~e~

Susan said...

ME TOO!!! It's okay, it means we have sensitive spirits. I can finally make it through most of my testimony before the tears come! Love ya!