Wednesday, June 20, 2012

steamworks RR

Saturday morning, June 11, I woke up at 5:15 to go run the local half marathon.  I seriously contemplated just canning it and going back to bed. I felt so exhausted.  I decided I would be mad at myself if I did that, so I drug myself out of bed and like a zombie made my way to Durango.  I met up with some friends, boarded the bus, and we made our way to the race start.  The course is absolutely beautiful.  Probably the prettiest I have ever run.  It's hilly and the last two miles are worse than most.  I actually enjoy a course with hills; I usually do better than flat courses.  I intentionally started out fast, knowing the first two miles were downhill and that I could bank time for later.  Still not sure if that was the right move or not.
I felt like I was running so stiff and never felt like I got my breathing right.  Despite this, I still felt good and was happy with the performance. I can't really count on anything spectacular when I don't put the work in!  I really wish I could know what I am capable of if I really put in the time and effort of proper training and actually got rest.  I will probably never find out.

I was SO excited when I was nearing the finish and I saw my parents on the side of the road jumping up and down, cheering me on. I didn't think they were going to be there.  It was the biggest boost ever and I was happy, happy, happy.  They didn't know what I was going to be wearing, but recognized me from far away by the way I run.  They've been to many-a-meet and know just how their girl looks when she runs.  It just made my day.  Understatement.
Speaking of understatement, this picture just doesn't in any way accurately portray what that hill feels like.
(I am so in love with my pleated running skirt...)
 Feeling pretty good and pleasantly surprised.  7th place age group finish, 14th overall female out of 187.

splits--not so consistent, and they just kept getting slloooowwweeer...I stopped to walk through the stations at miles 6, 8, and 12. 
Mile 1:  7:09
Mile 2: 7:25
Mile 3:  7:39
Mile 4:  7:59
Mile 5:  7:51
Mile 6:  8:40
Mile 7:  7:59
Mile 8:  8:39
Mile 9:  8:10
Mile 10:  8:29
Mile 11:  8:08
Mile 12:  9:32
Mile 13: 9:01

I always feel so good after a race, despite how good or bad it was.  It is just such a cool feeling of accomplishment and I am always wanting to do another one. I have a few more things on the calendar this year.  Will I actually train? We shall see...

Monday, June 18, 2012

pure love of a child

Sometimes I lay with one little boy or the other at nap time.  Sometimes it is just to get them to sleep.  Mostly, it's because I love to snuggle up to them and watch them sleep.  I love to have the peace and quiet, and frankly, I am so tired.  I sleep next to them more often than not, for at least 20 minutes.
The other day I was laying with Kaden, practically praying he would just settle down and go to sleep.  It was one of those days that I woke up ambitious,with lots of fun things in my mind, lots of plans.  By lunch I felt exhausted, we'd done nothing, and I felt so lame.  As Kaden finally grew tired, he said, "I love you so much Mom.  You are happiness.  You feel like love in my heart.  You are my best friend. I love you, Mama!"

I realized, again, that he doesn't know of my ambitious plans.  He didn't know all of the things I had wanted to do and didn't.  He just knows he has a Mom that loves him more than anything in the world and I try my best to tell him and show him that all of the time. I fall short, at least in my own mind, more often than not, but to this boy I am his world.  Even though I make mistake after mistake, I am tired, and I sometimes lose my patience, he forgives and forgets and continues to love me unconditionally.  I have to remind myself that we will do those fun things I planned, it just might not happen today, and that is okay.
K'NEX are Kaden's new favorite thing.  He is so happy playing in the living room all day.  This boy will have fun no matter what we are or are not doing.
This boy is happiness and love in my heart too.  Pure joy. 

Wednesday, June 13, 2012


Becks loves his tallapillar. 

Monday, June 11, 2012

if this is how i am...

I think it is safe to officially consider myself an expert.  I always knew I had a special talent, but now it has been confirmed, expert is definitely suiting.  I am an expert procrastinator.  I hate this about myself, but maybe kind of love it too.  Somehow, I am able to do my best work, pull things out of a hat magician-style, last minute under pressure.  I have always wished I could be an organized person who could plan things in advance, divide tasks into manageable amounts, and breeze through big stuff with ease over long periods of time.  I am the girl who receives an assignment, has months to work on it, and starts on it days before the presentation.  It's a gift I tell you...and it's a curse.  I always have something lingering in my mind, constantly bothering me and reminding me of upcoming deadlines, things that are not finished--or even started, and the importance of things I seem to be nonchalant about.

I just went to Albuquerque to take a big comprehensive test for my job.  It was very expensive and extremely important.  It covers the gamete and I knew I needed some serious refreshing.  When I signed up for a test date I had over 2 months to study and prepare.  Three days before the test I decided that it was do or die.  What was I thinking? I stayed up late a few nights, realized how much information I really had to know, stressed myself out, and felt so irritated with myself.  The morning I was driving down to Alb. I was trying to get some last-minute studying done.  Kaden was hyper and wanting to play.  The kids were bored and I was frustrated.  I was about to lose my patience when it hit me, this is not their fault! You didn't do what you needed to do, so you can't take your stress out on them.  I said a little prayer and closed my books.  We played and I felt peaceful, and still very mad at myself. 

 I drove down to Albuquerque and stayed at Grant and Brittany's house since my test was pretty early the next day.  I love them.  I got to watch Trudy for a few hours while they were at Les Miserables (jealous!). She is a doll.  She is so animated, smiley, full of personality, and she loved me. I know she loves everyone, but I am pretending that next to her family, I am her favorite person ever.  We read books, played, and I gave her a bath. We had so much fun and she let me rock her to sleep. Man, if I felt like it was the right time for me (I really don't know if it ever will be!), I would put in an order for one of her. 

When Grant and Britt got home we snacked and talked.  Then Brittany and I laid on the bed and talked for hours.  There wasn't a clock that I could see, and we were surprised to see it was nearly 3:30 when we went to bed.  Totally worth it.  I absolutely adore her.  I went to take my test the next morning, hoping that I had at least prepared enough and that the information I knew would be brought to my mind.  The test was sort of long and the testing center so "official". I felt like a criminal having to get pictures taken, scans of my hands, pat myself down, and they even looked behind my ears!  I stared bleary-eyed at the screen. My brain felt so slow.  I have been getting 5-6 hours of sleep a night for months and that just doesn't cut it for me. I finished the test and felt pretty good about it.  I got my score...94% booyah. I felt pretty amazing about that, even though I maybe didn't deserve it.  It seems silly, but I truly do feel blessed that I am able to learn and retain information easily.  I think it's necessary for the life I have right now.

So maybe procrastinating does work for me. I know what I am capable of and that I do better when the pressure is on. I put forth more effort when I really have to.  I still wish this wasn't the case, but I guess "if it ain't broke, don't fix it".  At least I'm an expert.

Seriously, how stinkin' adorable is this little girl?!?!? And she even has red hair...

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

he's such a good boy

Toby, our cute little rescue dog.  The sweetest dog and absolutely perfect for our family. We love him.

Monday, June 4, 2012

it's very bitter-sweet

My little boy "graduated" from preschool.  No cap and gown, pomp and circumstance, thank goodness.  It still feels like a really big deal to a mom...especially since it's the first time.  The kids put on a little program for us. I beamed as Kaden did all of the actions with enthusiasm and sang his little heart out.  He had been looking forward with much anticipation to the end of the year program and party. He loves to show us everything he has made, learned, and done while in school.  He had the best teachers.  He got to have them 2 years in a row and has become quite attached.  Maybe they tell all of the parents this, but on numerous occasions I was told how sweet, loving, kind and funny Kaden is, "we don't try to pick favorites, but..."  I only say this because I am so excited for him to grow and learn, and to love it.  I feel happy knowing he is adjusted and thrives in school.  I just can't believe that my baby is going off to Kindergarten next year. 
Ms. Debbie and Ms. Lori.  Kaden is sad that they won't be his teachers next year.
Beckham had a great time playing on the playground during the BBQ.  He's gotten so independent and brave lately.
We went to Kindergarten registration and I felt so many mixed emotions.  I am so excited for Kaden.  He is going to absolutely love school.  The environment is the type that he thrives in and he is so excited.  He wants to go tomorrow.  I am excited for him to have a way to focus and channel all of that physical and mental energy he has. I am excited to get to spend much more one-on-one time with Beckham.  I am also so sad that Kaden will be gone all day every day.  I am sad that the last 5 years flew by at lightning speed and time will only continue to fly.  Now that he is in school, he will be in school all day every day until he moves away.  It is just crazy to think about.  Do all moms feel this way? Or am I overly sentimental and sensitive?  Maybe both.  Either way, it's definitely a bitter-sweet feeling.
Every stage is so much fun, and I know it will continue that way.  I never want to look back and wish that I had soaked up more time, or focused more on the most important things.  It's hard to always prioritize right, but when I think about how fast time seems to slip away I have more of a resolve to make each moment count as much as I can.  I am so proud of this little guy and the sweet, sensitive, happy person he is.  I feel beyond blessed to have him in my life forever.  I am grateful for the things he teaches me on a daily basis.  I love being his mom.  I hope that I always take advantage of my time with him. I hope I teach him right.  I hope that he always knows how much he is loved and how important he is.