the stuff this kid says...

Kaden woke up yesterday morning in our bed.  He had gotten up in the night with leg cramps, something he seems to get pretty frequently.  I helped him get ready for school and he seemed so tired and mellow--very unlike him.  I asked him if he was okay.

 

Yeah. I think I am okay, but a little bit sick.  I should probably skip school today.

Are you sure buddy? I will let you stay home if you don't feel well, but I don't want you to be sad later because you miss your friends and teacher.  So, are you sure you don't want to go to school?

Well I DO want to go to school, very bad, but my body is telling me 'no, stay home.'

It is?

Yeah, it's saying to me 'I just need to heal.'  Mom, it just wants to rest and heal, so I need to let it.

Okay, well then it's probably a good idea to stay home and rest today.

 

I smiled about that little comment all day.  He ended up with a fever and just wasn't himself.  We played and built the coolest things with k'nex.  I loved the extra time with my boy and really kept thinking to myself, I love this.  He is so much fun.  Thankfully, he bounced out of bed this morning ready to take the world on by storm, just like he always does.

i wish becks would do this

A tragedy has taken place in the Wood household.  Our computer has crashed.  We are not sure if it will make a full, or even partial, recovery.  I am without my photos and it's torture!  In the meantime, my mom found this and I can't get enough.  This little guy is adorable!  I wish Beckham would sing on National tv.  Seriously people, you've got to hear that boy sing Adele. Someday I hope to be sneaky enough to get a video of it.  The kid is just too smart and observant and the minute I try to capture his precious singing he gets all smug and refuses to appease me. 

our day

I'm pretty sure Beckham has been ready to potty train for nearly a year.  He totally knows when he needs to go, he goes off to hide, asks to be changed, etc.  I have been putting it off because, despite wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt, I knew how he would react to the potty.  He didn't like it one bit.  He slowly warmed up to it the first day and even had a few successes.  As we persisted though, he resisted.  He had an accident and cried and cried.  This is the kid who has a meltdown if one drop of milk spills from his spoon while eating cereal....just imagine how he acted when his legs and pants were wet!  If I asked him if he needed to go, or even said anything relating to underwear, the potty, etc., he got a smug look and turned the other way like I hadn't said anything.  Or, he would change the subject and talk to me about Mightming Matween.

 

Instead of pushing him and traumatizing him, we are going to give it a little break and try again in a month or two.  This little man is a stubborn one!  We did have a fun day together, even though our (MY) actual goal didn't get accomplished.

 

How does Becks feel about potty training???.....

learning to toughen up

Yesterday morning was awful. I took Beckham to his first day of "school".  He is just going one morning a week to Skills for Living and Learning.   The lady in charge is a client of mine and we've been discussing this school and their different approach for months now.  I have talked to her about Beckham and this seemed like a great option for him.  His physical therapist also thought it would be greatly beneficial to him.  The coordinator, Susan, specializes in working with kids with Sensory Integration Disorder.  I hate labels, and try really hard not to put my kids into a box.  It has become fairly clear though, over the last few years, that Beckham shows signs of having a bit of a sensory issue.  He is getting better in a lot of ways, but things like hating sand, being afraid of his potty, insisting on his jacket being on/off, hating crowds, and having to predict and control his environment are all common traits of a sensory processing issue.  I think for him this will be something that he can outgrow.  Some poor kids have it so intensely that they can hardly function and it's so sad.  I am grateful that for Beckham, it is mostly just frustrating for both of us trying to figure out what he wants and what works best for him.  I am learning though, and am usually able to predict what he will want and how he will react to any given situation.  I have not learned, however, how to help him control his out-of-control emotions and screaming when things are going wrong for him.  One step at a time, right?

 

Yesterday we walked into the school and he seemed so excited.  He ran around to check things out.  We got into his classroom and there was only one other child in there.  A cute rolly-polly little boy.  We built a tower and played while I caught his new teacher up to speed on his little personality.  Music was playing and we sang songs.  He seemed so happy.  Then a bus came in bringing four other little boys and a girl.  All of the boys had been in this program before and seemed well-adapted.  When the structure of the day began, Beckham started to have a hard time.  He didn't understand why the teacher wouldn't let him play with the blocks.  Finally, he sat with the other kids and listened to the activities for the day.  He was involved, so I went with Susan to get a copy of my insurance card.  I was gone all of about 20 seconds when I heard my little boy running through the halls screaming, "Mama! Where are you? Where is my mommy?!?!"  I ran out to get him.  I told him where I had been, and felt so bad that he had gotten so scared.   We went back into the classroom where the kids were starting their little yoga routine.

 

He felt uncomfortable and beelined it to the door.  The teacher ran over to get him and he screamed at her and started hitting her.  I felt so bad for them both.  I took Becks over to a little couch where I snuggled him and we watched the kids do their yoga.  It takes Beckham a long time to feel comfortable with a new situation, a new place, and new people.  I had thrown him into all of the above.  I could feel my eyes burning and willed myself not to cry.  I kissed his head as he cuddled with me and couldn't help the tears from falling.  What am I doing to this poor child? Is he ready for this? Will this even help him? Are things always going to be hard for him? Will he make friends? I just want to take him home and protect him forever....  I tried to hide my tears from the teacher, but she totally saw. 

 

After yoga the kids got to go to the "Gorilla Room".  It's an indoor jungle gym with all kinds of things to help stimulate the kid's senses.  There are noise makers, slides, swings, a ball pit, ladders, tunnels, tents, etc.  It's so much fun.  Beckham was really excited to be in there.  I got a moment to chat with his teacher again.  I got all teary telling her about how I felt embarrassed about how he acted, but I also felt so sad for him feeling scared and uncomfortable.  She was very sweet and reassuring.  While we were talking he thought I had left and again ran out the door screaming.  She went to get him this time.  I talked to him about how I had to go for an hour to work but that I would be right back to get him.  I told him his teachers were his friends, and that they would take good care of him.  I waited until he was busy and left.  I cried the whole way to work and questioned what the heck I was doing.  I am such a baby.

 

After my appointment I went back to get Beckham.  I walked in half expecting to hear screaming.  There was my little boy, talking to his teachers and seeming like he wasn't any worse for the wear.  He saw me and ran to me throwing his arms up.  He had a smile on his face.  My heart felt more at ease.  I picked him up and he became goo like he always does when I hold him--I've started calling him my 30lb newborn.  I hugged him and kissed him.  His teachers said that he did great.  When he noticed I was gone they reminded him I told him I was leaving and would be back soon. He just said, "Okay, Mama be right back, in one hour."  We walked hand in hand to the car.  As we were driving home he said, "Hey Mama, I had fun at stoool.  They toot dood tare of Bettham."  I smiled at him and felt better.

 

I just need to remind myself that things with him take time.  I have to remember that these hard and uncomfortable experiences are helping us both to grow.  He is smart and understands things that I explain to him.  When I talk to him and let him know what is going on, he can figure it out and become more comfortable.  It will take time, for both of us, but I think in the end we will get tougher and a little more brave.



he's flying

 

I have a kindergartner.  My little man is a kindergartner! I don't know where this time has gone, but it has flown by too fast.  I've been so excited for Kaden to start school.  I am so happy for him because he is ready, absolutely ready.  He is ready to take this new world by storm.  He has been excited all summer, and when he learned it was August he asked me "what number of the day is it?" every day.  He just could not wait to start on this new adventure.  He's a social butterfly and ready to make a gaggle of new friends.  He loves adults and couldn't wait to be best friends with his new teacher.  He's sweet and respectful and has good manners.  He loves learning.  His life really just could not get any more exciting.  I love that about him.  An extremely common phrase emerging from his lips is, "This is the best day, EVER!"

 

I was excited for him, but also apprehensive.  I just prayed that it would be as good, as exciting, and as adventurous as he has been dreaming.  I found myself praying my little heart out in the days leading up to the start of school.  Please let him feel confident and secure.  Please help him make friends--good, nice friends.  Please don't let anything happen to hurt his little heart.  Please help him be nice to everyone.  Please help him listen and pay attention.  Please let this be as great as he is hoping...  I understand that challenges and learning to find one's way is a necessary part of life.  I just don't want that part of life for him yet.  I don't want anything to burst that boy's happy bubble.

 

I helped him pack his backpack with all of his new, colorful, school supplies.  --We had spent a day together the previous week shopping for new pencils, markers, paints, folders, lunchbox, backpack, and the works.  He was beside himself all day.  He got me to himself and he literally would have completely jumped out of his skin or had a heart attack had he been any more excited that day.  It was too cute and I was smiling from ear to ear (and almost crying) all day.--  We got in the car and drove 3 miles to school.  I listened to him jabber the entire way.  He was ecstatic.

 

We got there right on time...or so I thought.  Apparently the bell rings 5 minutes earlier than I thought.  Seriously, have I mentioned my self-proclaimed nickname is "Ball Dropper"?  We got out of the car and I had a lump in my throat watching him pull my arm and run to the door, with his gigantic backpack bouncing against his legs.  We walked into the school and found his class.  He let go of my hand and ran up to his teacher to say hello and give her a hug--of course he was the highlight of her day! (He is his Mama.)  Then, it was like he remembered I had come in with him.  He turned to me with the biggest grin, ran to me to hug and kiss me, "bye Mama!!!! I love you!!!".    Bye Buddy, you have the best day, EVER, okay?  "Okay Mom!"

 

I quickly turned to leave and felt my eyes burn.  I am that mom who cries when her baby goes to school.  I am surprised I only cried for a minute.  My heart hurt, but felt so happy at the same time.  He is blossoming more and more, finding his own way, and he is confident and happy. 

 

School could not be going any better.  Kaden acts like I'm a celebrity when I pick him up.  He runs to me excited to show me everything he's worked on that day.  When I ask him what his favorite thing of the day was, he always says, "Everything Mom!  Everything today was so great!".  I'm still aching in my heart a little.  I miss that kid so much.  I miss his presence in our home, but I think about him all day long and imagine how happy he is.  He is where he needs to be.

 

Every morning when I drop him off, he leaves me at the curb and runs the entire way to meet his class.  He holds his arms out and twinkle toes his way, backpack bobbing up and down.  Why does this make me want to cry?  It makes me so incredibly happy, and hurts a little, all at the same time. 

  He is spreading his little wings and flying.  I couldn't be more proud of that precious little boy.

becks and daddy

When Matt comes home he is such a good sport.  His legs are so tired and his feet are always hurting.  No matter how he is feeling, he always comes in the door with a huge smile on his face and greets the family with hugs, kisses, and genuine happiness.  He treats us like he's been excited to see us all day.  He is always happy to help me or play with the kids.  Even if sometimes the playing looks like this:

I love these sweet pictures.  I love how Matt is lying on the floor and Beckham is so happy.  Besides, that's the way Becks usually plays anyway.  Matt is such a sweet and loving Daddy and I am so grateful for that.

 

And this is what Beckham does when he listens to music.  No matter how loud or soft it is, he likes to cover his ears and often closes his eyes. Maybe he feels it more that way....

our trip: grandma's

I knew I should have filled the gas tank that 14 times I thought about it.  I wasn't sure how far the car would go on a tank. I waited until the empty light turned on and decided to get serious about finding a gas station.  We were on the interstate for a long, long time. I ended up passing through an automatic meter on a toll road (big ticket!).  I actually worried spikes or something would come up through the ground when I didn't exit to pay.  After thinking about this for 2 seconds, I realized that would be completely insane and dangerous.  I finally took an exit expecting to see a gas station.  Southern California should have a gas station at every block for how many cars there are. 

 

Somehow I managed to pick the exit into McMansion capitol.  We drove and drove, through beautiful hills surrounded by gated estates and golf courses.  We saw cars that cost more than I make in 5 years.  It was beautiful and smelled like money and fresh cut grass.  I couldn't really soak up that beauty because my 5-year-old was crying in the backseat, just sure we would end up stranded. He's just got no faith in me, I tell you. Not that he should at this point!  It's not like we were in the ghetto, although I felt just as out of place.

 

We drove and drove and drove.  Finally, after going about 15 plus miles through McMansionville, we entered into a more normal looking part of the city.  Still, block after block and no gas station!  I said, "Babe, I am pretty sure the cars of the rich and famous don't need gas. Or their drivers fill them up at some obscure hidden gas station designated for the 1%."  Finally, I stopped and asked someone at a doughnut shop.  We filled up while I had Matt browse through the owner's manual to find out how many gallons the tank held.  I put in 16, and we found out it holds 20! I could have gone another 120+ miles.  Then he reads that the empty light comes on, but there is actually a reserve tank. Although,  it is wise to find gas as soon as possible.  Why would they tell me that? You know I will bank on that reserve tank; that's just how I work.

 

We rolled into Grandmas and had dinner.  It was actually my first time ever being there.  The boys were so excited about her pool and ended up getting in fully clothed.  We had a nice relaxing evening together. I was so impressed with all of the citrus trees. I would have been in Heaven living there.

 

That evening, after the kids were asleep and everyone returned from the reception, we looked at Grandma's things and spent hours going through countless photo albums.  I always love to look through pictures and imagine what life was like for that person.  It was really fun to imagine the earlier years of Matt's grandparents.  I think I really am one of the most sentimental people in the world.  As everyone was going through Grandma's things, deciding who got what and what would get taken away, my heart hurt a little.  It just felt so wrong and sad, but I know it was necessary.  I think that if my parents ever die (which is doubtful, since they will live forever, you know. They have to!), I am going to need the house to accidentally catch on fire.  Otherwise, it will take me the rest of my life to have the courage to go through everything.

 

I was so touched by Kaden and the way he interacted with Grandma.  I had told him about her being very sick and weak, and explained how important it was that he play quietly and try to stay calm around her.  He was so excited to see her and didn't seem to notice that she looked so frail.  He just wanted to be by her, so he hauled his toys in and sat on the floor right next to her and played so quietly, every now and then talking to her.  I think she loved having him near and I melted seeing him be so gentle and quiet.  He talked about her a lot on our trip.  He talked about how she will feel all better when she gets to go live in Heaven.  He talked about how happy and thankful he was that she gave us her car.  He talked about how much her family will miss her, but how happy her husband would be when he saw her.  My heart was, and is, bursting.  This kid never ceases to blow me away with his sweetness, his understanding, and his love.

 

I really loved our time at Grandma's house.  I was so sad to say goodbye to her.  I knew it would be the last time we saw her and that is always so hard.  I felt frustrated not feeling like I knew how to express adequately how grateful I am, we are, for everything she has done for our little family over the years.  She has been so kind, loving, and supportive of us.  I hated to see her hurting, but was so glad that she was able to hold on to see her whole family all together.  I know that is what she wanted most, and what makes her most happy.

 

Beckham did pretty well at Grandma's, except for when he saw a fly.  Sadly, he saw a lot of them and I don't think one fly in a 50 ft radius escaped him.  He had been stung by a wasp 2 or 3 times on his face before vacation, so to him, every bug meant pain.  He was petrified.  He screamed and screamed.  I felt bad for him, but his screaming is so stressful and I have to really talk myself into not freaking out on him.  At one point on our drive home there was a fly in the car.  I was tyring to understand Beckham in hopes of not totally losing it with him.  I said, "you know Matt, I guess we need to just see it how he does.  It's like if there was a viper in our car right now...I'd be screaming my head off too..."  Sometimes, if I try to understand things as he does, I am able to get a glimpse into why this poor boy gets so bent out of shape sometimes.

 

These were just a few silly pictures of the boys in Matt's very, very dirty and cracked glasses.  That poor guy, he needs a wife that remembers to fix things like this.  We took these while trying to quietly entertain them in the bedroom.  Keeping two little boys quiet and under control is rough!