Friday, June 12, 2009

Sometimes...

Sometimes I stress. Sometimes I can't help but let fear and worry creep in and squelch my faith. Sometimes I am anxious. Sometimes I even throw my very own pity-party. I'm the only one invited so I try to keep it a secret. Sometimes I am frustrated and overwhelmed. Sometimes, I am lost.

I wonder if I am doing enough. I wonder if I am doing my part to make life good for those around me...especially my family. Am I a good mom? Am I a good wife? I want to work hard and provide what we need, and even some extra special things we want. I want to quit working and stay home and play with my rambunctious redhead all day long. I want to have endless energy so I can accomplish all of the things that right now I just dream about. I look at the faces of my two favorite boys and I just want to give them the world.


Sometimes I lay awake at night and my mind won't quit. Why is it, that in the wee hours of the morning, problems seem exponentially bigger? An ant hill becomes a monstrous peak. Then the sun comes out and I wonder what all the fuss was about.

I have learned that I am not any different than any other person. I have learned that sometimes, most times, the best thing is to just have gratitude. It can be hard. I know that sometimes I try to think of things I am grateful for, and end up coming up short and starting to worry again. That's where faith has to step in and overpower the fear. They are both pretty tough though and can put up quite a fight. Sometimes, fear wins. Most times, faith wins and I am gently reminded that all is well.

My father in Heaven wants me to succeed. He wants those handsome boys to have the world even more than I do. I still wonder why I was trusted with the situation I am in, because honestly, I downright stink at it sometimes.


I guess what it all boils down to is that sometimes things are rough. Sometimes the end seems much too far away. Sometimes, the only thing to do is let go, and let God. Have faith and be grateful, and trust that things are going to be just fine. Sometimes I forget this, but when I am reminded, and when I look into those cute faces that I love, that is all the reason I need to just push forward and have faith.

11 comments:

Robin Randolph said...

One day at a time, dear one. It's the easiest way to conquer fear. Is everything okay TODAY? If the answer is yes, which it always is, then you know your faith is working and the blessings are pouring forth. Just take it one day at a time. Trying to look at the whole picture is too overwhelming. But today the sun is shining, it is a blessed day. I love you. I wish I could share my energy, but I don't have any either! Ha.

The Red Crew said...

Isn't it funny that all of us eventually learn this lesson, in our own modified, specific. individual way. That the sooner we trust God hasn't lost control the sooner we feel peace and the ability to move forward. I sure hope you guys are going to Aspen Grove! We are so excited to be with everyone!

Dan and Ashley said...

Oh Jess, thanks for sharing your thoughts. I wish I could take all the fear and the worry away....i wish more than anything. But if nothing else, know that you are loved, know that you are an inspiration and know that God is there. One of my favorite scriptures is, "Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither hath entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him." There is hope, there will be joy at the end of this journey. One way or another.

Grant + Brittany said...

i love your thoughts. i just want you to know that i think the people that are the most concerned about being and staying a good wife and mom are the greatest ones.

KTLADY said...

Jessica, I think you are absolutely incredible. I admire you in so many ways. Thanks for being so strong.

R. Scott said...

Dearest Jessica,I loved getting to visit with your sweet family last week. Then today when I read your tender thoughts I wept when I realized what an amazing Daughter of God you are. Thank you for reminding us that in the strength of the Lord we can do all things, and that what we do "is enough". I love you so much and look forward to Aspen Grove!

Rencher Fam said...

I love reading your blog because you are so honest and you have such a positive attitude! Your two guys are lucky to have you!!

Tomber's Heaven said...

My sweet Jess, you are so inspiring to so many! You are so good at putting things in the right perspective. Thank you for always being an amazing example to me of endurance, faith and love. I love you and miss you! Your boys ARE lucky to have you!!!

Durrant said...

Girl you are one of the strongest most faithful people I know! Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

xoxome said...

Jessica your blog is always inspirational and today was no exception. I hope i'm just like you when i grow up.........

Sincerely Betty Wadell, age 54

Marisa said...

Jessica!
I think about you all the time, and it's so not fair That we don't hang out more often! I want you to know you are constantly in my thoughts and prayers!! You make me want to strive to be a better person! You are absolutely amazing!!! And I'm so proud to call myself your friend!!! I hope everything is going okay> :) Know that you can always call and hang out! And i'm here if you just want to have a pity party, and I will join in and we can eat No Bakes all Day and cry :) :) Sometimes you need those days!!!! MUCH LOVE MY FRIEND!!!!!
ME