I wonder if I am doing enough. I wonder if I am doing my part to make life good for those around me...especially my family. Am I a good mom? Am I a good wife? I want to work hard and provide what we need, and even some extra special things we want. I want to quit working and stay home and play with my rambunctious redhead all day long. I want to have endless energy so I can accomplish all of the things that right now I just dream about. I look at the faces of my two favorite boys and I just want to give them the world.
Sometimes I lay awake at night and my mind won't quit. Why is it, that in the wee hours of the morning, problems seem exponentially bigger? An ant hill becomes a monstrous peak. Then the sun comes out and I wonder what all the fuss was about.
I have learned that I am not any different than any other person. I have learned that sometimes, most times, the best thing is to just have gratitude. It can be hard. I know that sometimes I try to think of things I am grateful for, and end up coming up short and starting to worry again. That's where faith has to step in and overpower the fear. They are both pretty tough though and can put up quite a fight. Sometimes, fear wins. Most times, faith wins and I am gently reminded that all is well.
My father in Heaven wants me to succeed. He wants those handsome boys to have the world even more than I do. I still wonder why I was trusted with the situation I am in, because honestly, I downright stink at it sometimes.
I guess what it all boils down to is that sometimes things are rough. Sometimes the end seems much too far away. Sometimes, the only thing to do is let go, and let God. Have faith and be grateful, and trust that things are going to be just fine. Sometimes I forget this, but when I am reminded, and when I look into those cute faces that I love, that is all the reason I need to just push forward and have faith.