demoted

I've been demoted, but that's okay. Kaden just wants his daddy to read him his bedtime stories. Matt is a champion bedtime-story-reader. He makes up accents, voices, sound effects, and adds extra touches all over the place. The other night I could hear him reading from the kitchen and he was being hilarious. Kaden was hysterically laughing so I grabbed the video camera. I started to take the video and within moments Kaden spotted me and said, "Mom, can you please go out and shut the door?". Rejection. Oh-well. I will gladly take the backseat so these two can share a few precious moments together at bedtime.

Yesterday Kaden had a very busy day with friends and didn't get his nap. He bounces off the walls nonstop and he is miserable on the evenings when he hasn't napped all day. Matt was reading and looked over to see Kaden fast asleep. So stinkin' cute I can hardly take it.

floppy baby

A few weeks ago Beckham was evaluated by a team of therapists to determine what specific therapy he needs. He was such a ham. He talked and giggled, pointed, played, and showed them all of his tricks. They fell in love with him and I can't blame them. It was determined that his development is between 12-14 months in verbal, social, and fine motor skills. In order to qualify for this in-home program, he needed a 25% delay in any one or more areas. He needed to be at or behind a typical 9-month-old. He passed, or failed, with flying colors. He was at about 5-7 month range across the board for gross motor skills. It's sad to say the word "delayed", but that is what he is, and has been his whole life. He didn't hold his head well until he was almost 5 months old. He didn't roll over until he was 7 months, and he didn't sit without supporting himself with his hands until he was 10 months old. There was a lot of worry and concern for a while there, about what his problems could be from. The whole time I was worrying, I felt peace that it would be resolved, and if this would be a lifelong issue, it would be okay. We'd be okay.

I think we've determined that this won't be a lifelong issue. He will be behind for months or even years. We're confident that he will eventually catch up and won't have residual problems or setbacks from having such low muscle tone right now. Right now, I am enjoying my floppy baby, his cuddles, and watching him make even the smallest steps forward.

We have a therapist who's come to the house a few times. Her name is Diane and she is awesome. She is an older lady who has a lot of experience under her belt and she amazes me with the things she has already been able to do with Beckham. She is so sweet and cute with him too. He is a feisty boy and he gets so mad at her for making him work. He forgives quickly and smiles and laughs. He's pretty much bi-polar during his physical therapy sessions. She's taught me a lot of things to do with him while we're playing, reading, or when I am changing him. I sort of have to trick him because he really does get mad when he's pushed, and Diane said not to let him get too frustrated or he'll quit trying. I'm excited because she noticed a difference in him within the first week.

Beckham uses his head as a maneuvering device. When he rolls over he throws his head and his body follows. We're trying to get him to rotate his torso and pelvis to have more controlled movement. He also doesn't seem to understand that his arms are part of his body and they should be used. He is slowly trying to put weight on them and push himself up for more than 2 seconds at a time. His legs are getting quite a bit stronger and he loves standing now. He locks his knees out though, so instead of using his muscle he is using his bones and joints. He gets so mad when we bend his legs and make him start over.

I love that chubby face. I'm proud of him because he really has been trying so hard. He actually breaks a sweat and tries to do what we are teaching him. The physical therapist (and I) think that once he starts learning how to use his muscles and he challenges himself more, he will progress really quickly. I'm excited for him to hit milestones and overcome some of his frustrations, but I'm also going to soak up every second I can of this extended baby stage that I get.

enjoying the simple things

Lunch outside with my boy is one of my favorite things. Especially when the sun beats down on me; I could lay there on the deck all day.

This little man makes me so happy. Who knew a three-year-old could be one of your very best friends?

downpour

I would have picked Matt up from the bus stop had it been raining. He made it most of the way home before the clouds opened and let loose. Oh man, did they let loose. Poor guy got completely soaked. I thought he would be bummed, but when he came to the door he was laughing. I love his happy smile, completely drenched. I love Kaden reaching up for his daddy.

It cleared up almost as fast as it came and revealed two perfect full rainbows. I wish I could have taken a better picture. It was beautiful.

I love sun after the rain. Everything smells so wonderful. I love the steam rising off the pavement and the way the light gets soft and glowy. It was a crazy fifteen minutes, but the highlight of the day. Definitely a treat.

loving what I do

I have had a gig as a massage therapist for the last 5 years. I've had different jobs and met so many people. I absolutely love my job. This sweet little lady was 91 years old and one of my favorites. Her memory was failing her, but that was what made her so special. She came and saw me every week and every week said, "Have I had you before? Wow, that feels so good. You are such a sweetheart. How can I make sure that you give me my massage next time?" It was so cute. She told me wonderful stories about being a teacher, about her mom as a nurse in WWI, and about her children. She offered so much wisdom and insight. She was amazing. I looked forward to seeing her every week. I don't work at that job anymore and haven't seen her in a while. I hope she is well. What a special lady.

A few weeks ago I met a lady who really put life into perspective for me. Lately I have been questioning why some people have to suffer so much in this life. She is in her sixties. Her first husband died when he was just 28, leaving her alone with their 2-year-old. She met a man a few years later and fell in love immediately. She says he was her soul mate. More perfect than anyone she could have imagined. He helped her raise her beautiful daughter and they had a beautiful life together. They were moving across the country as brand new empty-nesters when the truck malfunctioned while she was driving. He was thrown and she was the one to find him. He didn't survive. She is and will always be devastated by this. A few years later she met another lovely man. After being together for only a year, he suffered a massive stroke. She now cares for him 24 hours a day. He is unable to speak or do much for himself. She can't really have friends or an outside life because she doesn't have help to care for her husband. I was blown away by this woman. Her strength and attitude were inspirational but I couldn't help but be totally heartbroken for her. I said to her, "I don't know if you believe in Heaven or not, but I am positive your reward there is more than you could ever imagine." She said, "Oh, I absolutely believe. How could you not? My faith only grows through all of this, and that knowledge gets me through it." I can say with assurance that this lady changed me.

I give weekly massages to a man in his fifties. He was injured in the army when he was only 18. He has a mild brain injury, but is very high functioning and independent. His back was broken and healed wrong and he has severe and debilitating nerve pain. He lives with an elderly couple, whom I also see nearly every week. They sort of adopted him. He was actually a homeless person, living in a tent in the mountains. The story is really so fascinating and special. The couple took him in and provide everything for him. He helps them take care of their home and earns his keep. It's an amazing arrangement and both sides feel like they have the better end of the deal. I feel like this is something that never happens in real life. This man is so kind and sweet. He has incredible faith and such a childlike innocence about him. He actually does believe that I am magic. I'm not, but I will let him think it. I love helping him. He has tried so many things and says this is the one thing that helps. He claims it to be a miracle. He has an incredibly hard time trusting women and was so nervous the first time. He made me feel so good when he told me that I made him feel comfortable and that he completely trusted me. He calls me "sis" and I love that.

I met a lady a few weeks ago that completely reminded me of my Nonie (my mom's mom). I fell in love with her instantly. She is one of those people who really does not have the ability to rest her mind or body. After being with me for a while she said, "I haven't been this comfortable or relaxed in years." We talked about Matt and the boys. I am selective with who I open up to about Matt and how much I share. When the situation is right and the opportunity does present itself I sometimes tell his story. He is an inspiration to so many people and I feel proud to share his life with people. She opened up about the tragic death of her husband, her failing memory, her relationship with her sweet daughter, etc. She even cried a few times and told me, "I never tell anyone these things. You make me feel so much better not only because you help my sore muscles, but because you know how I feel. You've had heartache and you understand me." I am glad that she was face down because I totally started crying. I wanted to adopt her and take her home with me. I love her so much.

I don't know why people feel like they can open up to me, but I am so glad that they do. Sometimes people just need to feel loved and understood. As I meet more people, and get to know them better, I realize that everyone has a story. Everyone suffers in some way. Everyone needs love, empathy, validation, and reassurance. As much as I may be helping people by what I do, I know that it's not really me. That may sound funny, but I feel like I am given inspiration in a way, to know what to say and do. I can only hope that people are being helped not only by the massage itself, but maybe also by the things we talk about, by the meditative environment they are in, and by the quiet introspection they can gain if they allow themselves to relax and let it happen.

I could go on and on about the amazing people I've had the privilege to get to know. Maybe I have been able to help a few along the way, but I know that it's been so beneficial to me too. I am grateful for the things I have gained. I have been inspired and learned so much from the people I have met. It's so much more than just a job.

camping: the good, the bad, and the ugly

Our camping experience this weekend was a roller coaster ride. It was a blast, it was stressful, it was relaxing, it was insane. I love camping. I have always loved camping. It is so hard to believe that I haven't been in several years. Camping is so much work and it just comes down to the fact that I am too lazy to plan it out, pack everything, remember everything, and don't even get me started on sweeping out and rolling the tent back up.

My friend Jamie mentioned a little trip to Moab a few weeks ago. I was so excited to go. I figured that we could plan it together, shop together, and she could help me figure it all out. Jamie is one of those people who seems to easily just have it all together. Her ducks are always in a perfect row. I don't get it. We didn't really make up our minds to go until the day before we left. I packed my little heart out, thinking of anything and everything we could possibly need. As a side note, I really deserve some kind of trophy for the amount of stuff I am able to perfectly piece into a Nissan Altima. Seriously, it's a gift.

We took off early Saturday morning, excited for our awaiting adventures. We arrived to Moab and started to unpack. It was hotter than Hades, especially for these wimpy Colorado people. We were dripping, Kaden and Beckham were crying. "I'm melting mom! I'm boiling; my skin is burning off!" Kaden wailed. We hurried along and loaded into the air conditioned car and headed up the river for a little beach time. Between food, paraphernalia for six kids, a cooler, and Matt, getting down to the water was quite a spectacle for anyone observing. We made it though and set up our spot for the day. Matt was such a sport. He set up a chair in the bushes and read his book. The kids had a blast sloshing around in the slimy mud and it felt so good to cool off.

We headed back to the campground for dinner. A yummy BBQ and lots of junk food. I think after birthday celebrations, vacations, and excess sweets in my cupboards, I am going to need a serious detox soon. After dinner we went swimming. Well, we attempted it. Beckham and Kaden both ended up having sick tummies. We were trying to swim and Kaden would frantically run to me, "I need to go potty!" and we'd hurry off to the bathrooms. I returned only to realize that Beckham had a messy swim diaper. Immediately Kaden ran back over, "Mom, I need to go potty again!" We called it an evening and headed to our tent. Beckham got mad and shrieked for 20 minutes. I am not sure what he was so mad about, maybe an upset belly.

Matt has a "spastic" bladder. Basically, he has muscle tone from his brain injury, but it also affects his bladder. Sometimes it's much worse than others. This weekend it just happened to be a nightmare. When his bladder is tight, if feels full so he always feels like he needs to pee. He spent a whole lot of time in the shower house. He was missing half the time. I felt bad for him because it's so uncomfortable and frustrating. I felt bad for me because I needed help and he never seemed to be around. He was also extremely tired. He stayed up really late the night before we left and that affected him a lot. He was so helpful when he was around and I needed him but he just wasn't on his game. I am so thankful though, he didn't complain at all, not once.

Finally, Matt and Beckham were sleeping. Kaden got out of his sleeping bag and crawled over to me. "Mom, do you need some hugs and love?" I wanted to cry it was so sweet. I did need hugs and love. That kid blows me away with his intuition, and tender feelings for other people. We decided to head out on a walk. It felt good to be cool and to look at the stars. We wandered over to Jeff and Jamie's little cabin and visited outside. Kaden was being his sweet self and we had a nice time. The rest of the evening was perfect and we all got a really good night's sleep. I think that I stressed out about the crying and craziness because there were so many people around. I felt bad for Jeff and Jamie because they had to spend so much of their time helping us and waiting for us.

We had planned on hiking Arches the next day but it was so blasted hot we threw in the towel. We had grumpy kids and we were tired. We decided to stop at Hole in the Rock. We wandered around there for a while and it was so much fun. It was the perfect little adventure for the kids. Kaden loved the hike so much and cried when it was over. John-Isaac met us there on his way up to college. He is the nicest guy on earth. He was so sweet hiking around with us, taking pictures, and helping the kids when they needed it.

This trip is one of those memories that you look back on later and laugh and laugh. It is quite humorous, although in the moment I thought I might have a nervous breakdown. Despite the rough patches, we really did have a great time. The fun parts were SO fun. I'm glad that we decided to go. I am sure we will try it again, when it's not so hot, we are well rested, and I am feeling extremely ambitious.

a final hoorah

Last week we went to the lake with Andrea and Justin and it was one of the best days of summer. It was one of those days when I had too much to do; I actually had an agenda. Andrea called to see if we wanted to go and I threw all plans out the window and quickly gathered little swimming trunks, sunscreen, and fresh fruit. Irresponsible? Maybe. Do I regret it? Not for a minute. We kayaked, swam, had a picnic lunch, built a sand castle, and watched the little ones play, laugh, and splash around. Summer is flying by at the speed of light and it's nearly over. It was nice to get in one last day of summer relaxing and playing.

We kayaked from the marina to a beachy spot. The boys loved the kayaks. Kaden was so excited to ride in a "little boat". He felt like such a big boy. Becks hated his life jacket. It rode up too high and squished his fat cheeks. Once he got past that, he was thrilled to be gliding through the water, and giggled when little droplets splashed him every now and then.

Our little beach was perfect. It was shallow with big smooth rocks so Kaden could wade out a little way. When Beckham got hungry or tired he set up residence in the big tube. He was so happy.

Shouldn't these two be models? It was such a treat to have Andrea come back and visit so soon. And Justin? We love him. He is so good with the little boys and I am so impressed with how he treats Matt. He is such a good person and so unselfish and loving toward Andrea.

He's thinking about trouble...

I love that little face. He looks like he's been caught in the act.

I tossed Kaden into the water. He knows how to hold his breath but maybe I didn't give him enough warning. He was a little mad when he came up. He swam over to me for a hug.

I told him he was so brave and we high-fived and he forgave me.

This summer has been so good. I love fall and the changing of the seasons but I wish summer could just hang around for a little bit longer.