Saturday, May 15, 2010
do you miss me?
Every now and then, usually at night when we are enjoying our own quiet time together, Matt is very lucid and that's when I see the "old Matt" most. The other night I was reading and he was brushing his teeth, swishing, taking 500 years to get ready for bed, like always. He climbed in the covers and looked over at me so sweetly and said, "hey babe, do you miss me?"
I thought I knew what he meant, but wanted to hear what he had to say. I asked him what he meant by that. "Well, I know that I am not the same Matt that you met and fell in love with. I try to be him, but I know I am different. Do you miss the old me?"
It was hard not to get emotional but I looked at him and said, "yeah babe. I miss you so much. I miss you every day, but I love you now. Even though I will always miss you, I love you so much."
He just said, "OK. I love you too."
Honestly, I do miss him. I miss him so much. My heart is still broken. I still grieve over many pieces of Matt that were lost. It still hurts and causes as much heartache as it ever did. But, I am still grateful to have him and to have experienced all of the miracles we have to get to where we are now. I am still overcome with gratitude for the wonderful pieces of Matt that are the same as they always were. I still love him so much.