Vroom

Last night we went to Kaden's friend Danica's 4th birthday party. She had a big bouncy castle and everything. I was most entertained watching them ride the little four-wheelers around. Little boys are so cute. I love the excitement they get at the things that go.

Little Dax can't walk by himself, but he had fun walking behind, and being drug by, cute little Joel. Oh-and I love his pipe-cleaner hair.

I got so many pictures of these two. Kylie was a little ham riding behind Teryk. I think he liked having a little lady ride on the back.

I love this picture because the background is so pretty. It was the perfect fall evening and my favorite time of day; dusk. I love living here.

We had such a fun evening. I love the feeling of fall in the air. I am in love with this time of year-getting out and enjoying the crisp air, changing colors, and lovely smells of autumn. I am happy to usher in the new season.

Trouble

My little man has been giving me a real run for my money. He is into everything, whining nonstop, and pushing his limits all over the place. I hate feeling like he is living in time-out, or that I am telling him "no" all day. I am really hoping this is a normal phase he is going through, just trying to get attention. Today he dumped a bottle of salad dressing down the vent into the duct work in the basement. It actually hurts me to get mad at him. It actually hurts to see his sad, heart-broken face.

He loves Beckham, almost too much. He wants to squeeze him, feed him, hold him, kiss him, force the binky in his mouth, you name it. It is cute and very frustrating. I want him to love him, but again, I find myself saying "no" much more than I'd like to. He'll learn to be soft, right?

Even though he's been trouble and driving me to near insanity, he is still the sweetest little guy around. He forgives me for getting mad, and apologizes for being naughty. He smiles and laughs all day and says "thank you so much mama!" whenever I do something for him. I am sure this is just a little bump in the road, and I am sure glad he is so stinkin' cute, or I might rent him out for a few days. I really do love that attention-demanding, mischief-making, whining, ornery little fella.

Always room for more love

Our little boy finally got to come home yesterday. He is on oxygen for a little while, and sometimes getting him to eat enough is a bit difficult, but we are so happy to have him home with our family.

He's getting bigger, stronger, and more alert everyday. It's amazing the love we feel for this little guy. I was worried that I wouldn't know how to love another child like I love Kaden. I guess the heart just knows how to open up and swell more, to accommodate all the love in the world.

My heart must be pretty big now.

Tiny Steps

An update (please ignore the horrible picture quality)


Every day Beckham is taking small steps in the right direction. He hasn't had to skip a feeding in the last few days, and has even increased the amount he can take in. Hopefully, tomorrow they will be taking him off of his IV nutrition and see what he can do on his own. He is up to 5 lb 7 oz, so he's gaining steadily and almost back to his birth weight. He is showing that he really is related to us. He absolutely LOVES his feedings and inhales the milk. When it's gone I practically have to rip the bottle from his mouth, and he is always looking for more. His tummy just needs to cooperate and he can have all he wants!

He is also spending a lot more time awake and has been waking on his own for feeding time. I am still surprised when I see his eyes. One of his nurses has been lovingly calling him "the Slug" since he pretty much has slept for a week straight.

I enjoy holding him so much. I could spend all day with him snuggled up with me. I have been anxious and stressed lately, and the minute I pick him up I feel so calm, relaxed, and happy. I am so excited for his progress and am keeping my fingers crossed he comes home SOON. I have been praying hard for it, and giving little Beckham daily pep talks...

I think it's working.

He Grew

I was warned that once Beckham came along, Kaden would look ginormous. He's always been a big boy, but he's always been my baby. He seems small to me, until I see him towering over kids his age. When Matt holds him, he does look small.

I have been juggling time between home and the hospital. Kaden spent a few days with my parents and when he came back to me, I swear he grew a few inches. I also felt impressed with his ever-improving speech and vocabulary. He is speaking in full (and hilarious) sentences and his perfect memory never ceases to amaze me. I feel like my little boy grew an exponential amount in the past few days.

When he comes to the hospital to see his baby brother he seems so much older. Today, he was soft with him, he walked in the nursery quietly and whispered. He reminded me to be quiet too, "Mama, shhhhh, babies are sweeping!" My baby is growing up.


I miss my days with him. I miss seeing his imagination run wild while the toys pile up in the living room. I miss hearing "Mascar 2" in the background.

Soon, my little baby will be home with my big baby. I can't wait to hold Beckham on the couch and watch Kaden mess up the living room. I can't wait to resume a "normal" (is there such thing?) life full of the mundane tasks of being a mom. I love those tasks, and I am thrilled to be able to serve two baby boys. I love watching Kaden learn new things every minute, and I can't wait to start on the same adventure with Beckham. It's going to be great.

one day at a time

We are still just playing a waiting game with little Beckham. He is in charge and doesn't seem to want to cooperate. Yesterday he was digesting a little better, taking in about 6 cc's every 4 hours. He also gained back 2 of the 9+ ounces he had lost. Today, he seems to have regressed and has had to skip several feedings because he isn't digesting. He still receives nutrition through an IV port. Poor little thing has been stuck and poked so many times. They have to change his IV site several times a day. I feel bad for him.

Beckham needs to be either nursing or bottling all of his feedings, gaining weight steadily, and taking in at least 10X what he is getting now before he is able to come home. That seems like a big hurdle at the moment, but with time, he will get there. How much time? I am impatient.

It is discouraging to me, even though I try not to let it be, but I just want to bring him home so bad. I miss my little Kaden. He has been staying with his Nana and Papa a majority of the time. I haven't seen him much and I am going through my little man withdrawals. He is having a blast though and hardly misses me. I am so happy that he is so thrilled to be with 2 of his very favorite people.

I feel so torn though. I want to be at the hospital with Beckham, holding him and keeping up with his progress and setbacks. I want to be home with Matt and Kaden, living our everyday life in our own home. I know that time will go by and that Beckham will come home, and this will all just seem like a little bump in the road.

So, not much new to report. We just have to take one day at a time and pray that Beckham's little body starts cooperating. I hope that he gets it soon, and we can bring him to his new, cozy, warm home.

Beckham update

The tiny boy is doing quite well. He is still in the NICU and will most likely not come home until at least a week after his birthday. I am anxious to be able to bring him home and resume life in our own cozy place.

The biggest issue for him right now is just learning to eat and digest. He has figured out how to suck and loves the pacifier. Beckham has received a few small feedings (of only a few cc's) and he hadn't been able to digest any of it until today. Today, he is slowly digesting, so that is a great sign. I am sure he will catch on very soon, since daddy and brother eat me out of house and home! Until he catches on, he is mostly tube-fed through an IV. He is also a bit jaundiced, so he spends his days stretched out, basking in the purple light. These are normal things for preemies and it just takes time. Howcome everything has to "take time"? I am much happier with instant gratification :)

He gets stronger every day. I can't wait to take the little guy home and snuggle him whenever I want to.