"...it's not always rainbows and butterflies..."

I am a sunshiny-girl....and I like to try and see what is bright, what is best. If I were a crayon, I would be yellow. I am sometimes accused of sugar-coating, and pretending it's all alright. And, it mostly is. As great as things are, as happy as we are, and as much as we have to look forward too, it's not all sunshine. To put it candidly, sometimes things just plain aren't fair. Sometimes things are completely out of our control. Sometimes things are overwhelming and scary. For the most part, we try to ignore those harrowing thoughts and return to our "sunshiny" state, the optimistic side; we decide that we ARE where the grass is greener. This helps us survive, helps us find the happiness, and opens our hearts to what is good, the tender mercies we receive daily, and the miracles that flood our lives.

I never begrudge the success of those around me. I genuinely find joy in loved ones success, happiness, and achievement. I must admit however, that every time a friend gets a promotion, goes on some wild adventure, etc. there is a tinge of sadness. There is grief for what has been lost on our part. Dreams that were stollen in a matter of seconds. Ability, agility, mental clarity, ambition, years of hard earned knowledge and success, a drive for learning and accomplishment, working knowledge of many things----those things are a blur. Matt still has some of his motivation and ambition, but it has changed drastically. His sights must be set on a new bar now. One that is exponetially more challenging, but on many levels less rewarding....at least in his own mind. His frustration grows as he becomes more aware of limitations.

I try to be a positive force for him. I too feel overwhelmed and concerned for what our future might hold. But, I must say, that the most heart wrenching thing is seeing my sweet husband have to struggle on a daily basis. If I could, I would take all of his pain, frustration, and struggle from him. I earnestly believe that there is a plan for everyone. I believe that our life is exaclty according to plan, and I have immense faith that everything will work out just fine. I know that our story inspires others and maybe we can help someone out along the way. I know that we have learned incredible lessons through all of this, and we will continue learning those lessons.

Our lessons learned are countless...and I know there are many more to come. I will just include my favorite one. We have learned....and are learning what unconditional love is all about. We continue to learn how to treat each other, how to love each other, and how to overlook weaknesses. It is not always easy, because our life is nothing like we pictured it would be. We know we are in it for eternity, and I couldn't be more happy to be with my sweet husband forever.

Despite how undescribably hard some days are, I am so thankful that we can look around and notice the sunshine. Because the sun does shine every single day, no matter how cloudy it might be. I am so thankful that we are receptive to those blessings our Father in Heaven pours upon us daily. He gave us this challenge, and he is with us every step of the way, helping us and carrying us.