On Friday, August 13th, Matt and I had our 6th wedding anniversary. For some reason it was a really sad day for me. I have never felt that way before on our anniversary. We were married on a Friday, and I thought about that beautiful day. I replayed the events leading up to our sealing, the perfect day we had, and how excited we were to start our lives together. I remembered driving to the little airport in Manti and seeing Matt get off the plane with his dad, after not seeing him for over a month. I remember our excitement as we got our marriage certificate. I remember that beautiful night before our wedding day when we walked around town holding hands, eventually making it to the hill in front of the temple where we sat and talked for hours. I remember that next morning, getting up early to look just right. When I arrived at the temple I will never forget the way Matt looked. The way he turned around and literally started glowing when he saw me. I will never forget that big smile. True to form, he forgot the marriage license and I forgot my recommend (and we still are forgetting things all the time). I remember the long drive back to Colorado. We were so excited. We talked and I couldn't stop smiling. Everything about that day was perfect.
There were so many things I was feeling on Friday that I am not sure I could even figure it out. Maybe I was sad because Matt and I had so many dreams and plans. Life hasn't turned out at all how we'd expected. Remembering Matt that day, and those first 10 months of marriage makes me miss him so much. Maybe I spent a little too much time feeling sorry for myself. The next day, Matt brought home the most amazing bouquet of roses I have ever received. He had bought them the day before, but forgot to bring them home. He was so excited to give them to me. I thought about how wonderful he is, and how even though things are not how we expected, our life is so blessed and beautiful. Our life is absolutely beautiful.
A few months ago I stumbled across this blog. It is my favorite to read. I could relate to so many of her thoughts and emotions reading little Nella's story. I have always been one for enjoying the small things. For finding beauty and happiness despite the heartache. I have no doubt that marrying Matt was the right decision. I love him so much and cherish the person he is. I am thankful for every year we've had together and look forward to many more. He is amazing and loves me so much. He loves our boys. He wants to make our life happy. I look around us and see how much we've been blessed, how much love is in our home, what we've built together so far, and see that so many of our dreams have come true. Maybe things haven't gone like we'd planned, but we are writing a beautiful story.
6 comments:
Jess,
I wish there was something profound that I could say in the comments section of your blog. There is too much to say, and I don't know how I would word it anyway.
I think you walk a fine line because in feeling sad over the dreams you have lost, you might feel that you do not seem grateful for the life and the husband you have now.
You are so strong. I don't know how you do it.
You two are a beautiful couple. Happy Anniversary.
I have tears in my eyes after reading this. I remember that beautiful day, and telling Matt after the wedding "YOU are the one I have prayed for, all of her life." I still feel that way and like so many other people, I marvel at how the two of you face your difficulties, surmount your obstacles, and still smile with faith and joy on the other side. You are such amazing people. I'm so grateful to be your mom.
happy anniversary...
Wow! Congrats on that long road of 6 years. Trev and I aren't even to 2 yet:) You're experience w/ kids and the dear hubby definitely shows!!! Ok, so this is for your post before this one and I just have to ask. Where in the world did you get that bouncer-chair thing that Beckham is in?? I love it and want one for McCoy so badly!
Oh my goodness Jess. I always get so much inspiration from your beautiful family and blog. Then, you go and post a link to Nella's story. Wow. Tears were POURING down my face last night, but I couldn't stop reading. Bless you and bless them.
incredible. i will and always think of you that way.
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