Monday, January 25, 2010

i'm a "has-been"

I love, love, love to run. I am not sure why exactly. Okay, that is not true; I totally know why. I love the smell of fresh air, I love the things I see and hear, I love the endorphins that make me so happy, I love the feeling of conquering a big hill or extra long run, I love stretching when I'm done, I love a nice shower to wash all the sweat away, I love competition (with myself, and let's be honest, everyone else), and I love all of the memories I have associated with it. Oh man, I love to run.

I am a total "has-been" when it comes to running. I used to be not too shabby at it. It was sort of my identity for a lot of years. It was fun to have a natural ability at something. I loved every single part of my years as a cross-country runner and trackster. I loved waking up when it was still dark, putting on my uniform, grabbing my blanket and heading to the bus, to embark on a long road to another meet. I loved sitting around watching other races, obsessing over the time clock, and getting psyched for my next event. I loved picking that other runner on the track, knowing I would beat her, no matter what. (So I was a little cocky...or overly-competitive; the track was my turf.)

Sadly, my last cross-country race was one of my worst, and I cried the whole way back home (7 hours on the bus). Twice, our record-breaking 4X800 team came in 2nd at State, literally hundredths of a second behind the first place team. I mourned those tragedies in my life. (This is getting so sad, right?) I ran a bit in college, but it was nowhere near the same. I got sick my freshman year and had to quit. Such is life, so sad and unfair. I literally felt like my identity was stolen, like I didn't really exist anymore.

Okay, so maybe I am being a bit over-dramatic, but seriously, you get my gist. I was a little obsessed. I was teased for exclaiming, "Oh I just love this!", or "isn't this so fun?!?!", "I could go all day". etc., etc., on long runs with my friends. I loved running at night, in the rain, through the trees, up the trails, all over town.

Running sort of came to an abrupt halt after our accident. My poor little ankle (and it really is teeny), just couldn't do it. It didn't work right, bend right, and was sore all the time. It still gives me fits every now and then, but I am so ready to run again. I know I will never be awesome at it, but it just makes me so happy. So, I did something a little daring and quite a bit crazy....


Yep, I am not sure what I was thinking, but I am actually really excited about it. I have a few friends doing it too, and I told them just to wait for me at the end to make sure I finish and don't get stuck up the canyon somewhere. I am not going for time, really. That might be hard because I am just too dang competitive. I want to run it to run it. I want to run it to say I accomplished something hard, and something I wasn't sure I would do again.

I am having fun attempting to get into some sort of shape. Our hilly subdivision is kicking my butt--especially pushing a stroller with 2 kids in it. Today, I ran 4 miles on the treadmill....the TREADMILL people! Seriously, who runs on that thing? It bores me to tears. Thankfully, I had a friend running next to me and we chatted the whole time. I am hoping the icy roads melt soon so I can get back outside again. So, here I am, the gimpy has-been, hitting the pavement again, and wow, it feels SO good.

7 comments:

Traci Barnes said...

You go girl!!!!

Anonymous said...

Go for it! Never hurts to try...you just might surprise yourself and find out you're not a has-been after all.

Team Avarell said...

Oh my goodness!! Good luck!! I am a "never was" so I am impressed by anyone who is motivated enough to run. I was our track team's manager and I refused to run anywhere. Walking was more my thing but I think I could definitely use a good run now and I wish I loved it as much as you :)

grant + brittany said...

has been shmaz been. who cares! i didn't know you were that into running! i think it's AWEsome!!!

Robin said...

And maybe NEXT year I'll sign up for Moab too--the short one. Ha. Love you and love your attitude.

Cecilia said...

Whaterver Jess, you've been through labor and delivery twice, you can totally handle this.

Eliza said...

I'm so happy for you!!! GO JESSICA!!!