It's such a bummer, or a "bumper" as Kaden would say, when a cloud of gloominess shows up quite suddenly, uninvited, and drizzles on the parade. Boo. That little gloom cloud has been slowly settling on me the last few days. The situation with Beckham is getting more frustrating by the day and that's been on my mind. Kaden wants attention, but demands it in the worst forms and my patience has been lacking. We clashed all morning. Maybe part of it is being sick and just not feeling good. The other night I was looking at a blog that a friend of mine writes. She does the most amazing things with her kids (plus is amazing in every other area of life) and I feel like I have been a little checked out lately. Am I the only one that shuts down when I get too overwhelmed? It's like there is so much to be done, so many things I should be doing and remembering, that I drop the ball on everything. I sometimes forget the things that I enjoy. I sometimes sink into a spiritual rut. I sometimes doubt myself. I think what am I doing? How did I ever think I could handle all of this? I am totally failing!
That is when a sweet, tender mercy shows itself and I am reminded that it's all okay. I'm thankful that I can notice those things, that my gloomy clouds usually come and go fairly quickly and easily and might even leave me feeling refreshed. Today was like the little rainbow peeking from behind the cloud. The sunshine emerged and I felt the warmth.
After a few too many meltdowns, I took Kaden and Beckham to Roadside park to play in the water. A bunch of my friends and their kids get together there every week but we keep having to miss it for one reason or another. I didn't feel like I had the energy to get everything together and go this morning, but I am so happy we did. We picnicked, Kaden got to run and play with his friends, and I got to socialize. Then Kaden and his friend wanted to tube down the creek and I decided what the heck, I might as well get in. I loved it. Danica and Kaden held hands and sat on my lap and asked to go over and over. The cool water felt so good.
After naps Kaden helped me water our flowers and bushes. He is such a joy. He gets so excited so easily, and the simplest things make him happy. Seeing him run around in his adorable galoshes and spray water everywhere delighted me. We came in and ate together and then the boys had a bath while I cleaned the bathroom. Kaden was hoarding all of the toys so I said, "Does Beckham get any toys, or just Kaden?" He responded without skipping a beat, "Just Kaden, Mom!" I said, "Well, that's not a very nice big brother not to share." A minute later I turned around and every single toy was piled up on Beckham. "Look Mom! I am a good big brother. I sharing with Beckham and he likes it."
I read to Kaden tonight and laid in bed with him for a long time singing songs. Then I said, "Kaden, I love you forever." He replied "I love you forever mom. I like you for always." Together we said, "As long as I'm living my baby you'll be." It was a beautiful day and I feel like my gloomy cloud dissipated today. Those little people are constant sunshine and I just need to check back in and notice it.
And now, the house is peaceful, quiet, and clean. A breath of fresh air and ready to start the day off right tomorrow.