Wednesday, June 23, 2010

they cheer me up

It's such a bummer, or a "bumper" as Kaden would say, when a cloud of gloominess shows up quite suddenly, uninvited, and drizzles on the parade. Boo. That little gloom cloud has been slowly settling on me the last few days. The situation with Beckham is getting more frustrating by the day and that's been on my mind. Kaden wants attention, but demands it in the worst forms and my patience has been lacking. We clashed all morning. Maybe part of it is being sick and just not feeling good. The other night I was looking at a blog that a friend of mine writes. She does the most amazing things with her kids (plus is amazing in every other area of life) and I feel like I have been a little checked out lately. Am I the only one that shuts down when I get too overwhelmed? It's like there is so much to be done, so many things I should be doing and remembering, that I drop the ball on everything. I sometimes forget the things that I enjoy. I sometimes sink into a spiritual rut. I sometimes doubt myself. I think what am I doing? How did I ever think I could handle all of this? I am totally failing!

That is when a sweet, tender mercy shows itself and I am reminded that it's all okay. I'm thankful that I can notice those things, that my gloomy clouds usually come and go fairly quickly and easily and might even leave me feeling refreshed. Today was like the little rainbow peeking from behind the cloud. The sunshine emerged and I felt the warmth.

After a few too many meltdowns, I took Kaden and Beckham to Roadside park to play in the water. A bunch of my friends and their kids get together there every week but we keep having to miss it for one reason or another. I didn't feel like I had the energy to get everything together and go this morning, but I am so happy we did. We picnicked, Kaden got to run and play with his friends, and I got to socialize. Then Kaden and his friend wanted to tube down the creek and I decided what the heck, I might as well get in. I loved it. Danica and Kaden held hands and sat on my lap and asked to go over and over. The cool water felt so good.

After naps Kaden helped me water our flowers and bushes. He is such a joy. He gets so excited so easily, and the simplest things make him happy. Seeing him run around in his adorable galoshes and spray water everywhere delighted me. We came in and ate together and then the boys had a bath while I cleaned the bathroom. Kaden was hoarding all of the toys so I said, "Does Beckham get any toys, or just Kaden?" He responded without skipping a beat, "Just Kaden, Mom!" I said, "Well, that's not a very nice big brother not to share." A minute later I turned around and every single toy was piled up on Beckham. "Look Mom! I am a good big brother. I sharing with Beckham and he likes it."

I read to Kaden tonight and laid in bed with him for a long time singing songs. Then I said, "Kaden, I love you forever." He replied "I love you forever mom. I like you for always." Together we said, "As long as I'm living my baby you'll be." It was a beautiful day and I feel like my gloomy cloud dissipated today. Those little people are constant sunshine and I just need to check back in and notice it.

And now, the house is peaceful, quiet, and clean. A breath of fresh air and ready to start the day off right tomorrow.


Lisa and Rustin said...

Hang in there Jessica!!
From the pics and happenings on your seem like super-mom to me!!

You've got the cutest boys!

And BRILLANT idea with the bumbo in the bath! Smart gal!

Marisa said...

Jess!!! Your house looks to cute and Springy!!! I don't think i've been over since Christmas!! CRAZY!! So hopefully tomorrow will work out for us to hang out!!

By the Way Your just so amazing! Just always getting everything done, no matter what life has in store for you!!Your my every day inspiration! I know if you can hang in there and still be the amazingly awesome mom and wife that you are, than there has to be a inkling of hope for me to be even 10% of what you are!! :)So Hang in there and all will be okay :)
~Thanks again so much for inviting us Yesterday! The kids had a blast and thanks so much for taking Danica down the river! Next time I'm bringing my swimsuit for sure!!! :) Hang in there my dearest friend and I hope to see you tomorrow and the kids can play and have a blast again! Till then! Much love!! MEEE! :)

grant + brittany said...

Jessica. You bring me to tears. I need to write you an email. You are so incredible. You are the most amazing wife, mother and friend. We decided to leave early evening on Monday and so we drove through the night and arrived at 3am. I know for sure that won't be our last trip, I will be better next time and give you a better heads up. Thanks for updating your blog so much, I love it.

Kara said...

Jess, you are not the only person to feel this way and if you read these blogs of people who seem like they're always perfect, they're NOT!!! It's not possible and you're entitled to have a bad day every once in awhile. You have the greatest attitude of anyone I know and you seem to handle things SO well! I wish I had just a little bit of your enthusiasm and zest for life. I feel like I'm stuck in a rut ALL the time!! It's important to remember the little things in like that make it all worth it! I have a really good friend in UT who has a little girl that's Nathan and Kaden's age who has had some similar issues to Beckham. I talked to her a little about you and she'd be happy to talk to you about it anytime. She's a great friend of mine and they're still working on their daughter with therapy and such up in SLC. If you get sent up there for more tests, you have to get her number from me. She would be more than willing to share any into she has and what she's learned from their experience. I hope you find something out soon! Take care and keep smiling- you have a beautiful one!

Robin Randolh said...

You are a wonderful daughter, too, and always such an inspiration to me. I love you.